fingers itch for words to tell you what i'm really thinking.caffeine sends a surge, with a nervous twitch that sends me shaking.kiss me lullaby.send me off to chase my dreams.but keep these knuckles bleeding.let me fight this out on the big screen.give me divine inspiration to rip out these chains that hold me back.fear uncertainty and complacency die a thousand deaths.no place for you here.no time for your 24 hour rules.for i do not have 24 hours.this life not mine to lose.live now.live best.live more than just alive.this is the diary of change.the documentation of metamorphosis.a release on which soul thrives.these secret words to you leave me with only me.all continues to shatter and break,a breakdown to my knees.while we pursue my place,like glass to water falls each piece.in ocean's endless face a transformation.a definition.an introduction of a single beating moment,of this potential,to me.-b.sue

she told me she just needed a break

My personal problems were silenced tonight. It was my night to volunteer at Clinic with a Heart. We helped 62 homeless and in need people in two hours. Among all the storied I met tonight, there was a girl named Pam*. Pam is a mother. Pam is homeless. Pam is bipolar. Pam is the victim of domestic abuse. Pam can't afford help and Pam can't afford a home. God put me in Pam's way tonight, partly for Pam, but mostly for me.

I sat with Pam tonight as she cried. Through tears she told me she just needed a break. She needed a jump start, a chance. I brought her water to calm her down, and napkins to dry her eyes. I sat with Pam tonight as she cried. I cried on the drive home. I cry now.

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours."

I sang that in all earnestness and sincerity from the stage only two days ago. At the same time Pam was calling 911. She was watching her boyfriend attempt suicide because she had found the strength to leave him. 

"Open my eyes to what I can't see. Open my heart to what's bigger than me. Open my ears to Your whispering. Open my hands to their suffering."

I asked. He answered. Consider this heart more than wide awake.