a conversation between heavy and light hearts.

from:friend

so... get this... im sitting here, IMing with a priest in rwanda and am radically convicted. on priorities. and maybe, its not terrible. but i sit her eadn think 'how many of my brides love their pictures more than their marriage?!' and over there in rwanda, they just want a few thousand dollars to have a house that doesnt make their toddler sick from the mold! they cherish relationships, cherish their time, and they know what matters... and i sit here, in a cush office, making what i consider little money, and yet, i say i would sell it all to get over there... then why havent i? we IM, and he says "keep praying for rwanda" and my heart beats a little faster. i feel like my goals are so short term. i think i need a d200 to bring my weddings to the next caliber and maybe i do. but... seirously? do i? no. i could take that thousand bucks and really make a dent in my debt. i would be that much closer to being back there. to being in the land that is the definition of "hope". aghhh, my heart is truly heavy and light.

from:me

it's a process i am so familiar with too. and to be honest i don't have a good answer for you other than to stick close to the heart of God. i could go on and on with all that my mind has processed, but the above line quite simply sums up the point. and you know that. He is never late. He has your perfect plan in being a tool of His army to advance His kingdom at the center of His will. That and incredible love for your heavy and light heart that we can't even begin to understand.

on another note, I heard something incredibly desturbing from my dad the other day. Sundanese are an incredible problem here in Lincoln. The crime rate related to them is sky high. There are constantly huge fights in town related to them as well as break ins, robberies, etc. That really bothered this heart. These are the same people that i fight for recognition every day, how I tell everyone who will listen about the conflict in Darfur. Perhaps these are men who were with or supported the Janjaweed. But that doesn't make sense then as to why they would be here. I remember the documentary "God Grew Tire of Us" and think "they weren't that way, why this problem here?" Then I think, "how can I help," then I just feel overwhelmed.

The cheesy answer for both of us is to pray. and maybe it's not so cheesy, but I know you know what I mean. I need something to DO. I need a plan of attack, action, something tangible. Maybe that's my problem right there. Trying to take it on myself, my way, my hands, instead of the Master's.

It is good to know there is a heart that wrestles with what my heart does as well.

love you.